Meet: Salty McScurvy

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As you may have learned from Leonardo di Lemure’s interview with Jas Ketch, Siren of the Seychelles, Leo has a bit of a thing for the mustachioed pirate ladies. For that reason, you won’t be surprised to hear that he wouldn’t let us even think of having someone else interview the lovely (and mustachioed) Salty McScurvy.

First, here’s a little about Salty, who you may know as Jaime Morrow:

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Jaime was born in a smallish city in Northern Ontario, Canada, but college lured her out West to the province of Alberta where she’s been living ever since. After eight years of college, several stints as a barista, a short-lived career as a teacher, and an even briefer turn as a Special Constable, she found herself more than ready to do something she loved. Turns out that was writing. She writes YA sci-fi and contemporary. When she doesn’t have her nose in a book or her butt-in-chair-hands-on-keyboard, she likes baking, playing the snare drum (poorly) in a pipe and drum band, and indulging her book-buying addiction.

All yours, Leo!

---

Ah, merci. Merci beaucoup.

*hops on chair*

*rubs paws*

Bonjour, Jaime. Your scars are looking so fine today. Or should I say, je t’aime?

*chuckles*

Oh, ees eet too soon, my pet?

*nods sagely*

Non, non. There ees no need to explain. A love like ours will take time, much time to grow. Well, eh, for you.

*chuckles*

*clears throat*

*picks up interview papers*

Alors. Dites-moi, ma chère, your name ees Salty McScurvy, non? Why did you choose thees name?

Why Salty McScurvy? Why not? Is there anything more pirate than a salty tongue and a body riddled with scurvy? Methinks not.

Salty tongue? Scurvy?

*places paw on chest*

Oh, be still my beating heart! I am in love!

*fans face with papers*

*leans forward*

And your mustache, I must know - how ees eet so well-groomed? Eet ees trimmed to perfection! Ees eet a secret, mon chou? You could whisper into my ear … Don’t worry about tickling my ear with your mustache...

*whispers*

In fact there is nothing I would love more.

*leans forward more*

*and more*
*falls out of chair*

Mon dieu!

*scrambles*

C’est bien. C’est bien.

*brushes off fur*

*hops back onto chair*

‘ow embarrassing.

*clears throat*

You ‘ave distracted me again, you naughty pirate lady. I ‘ave a job to do, my love. No more of this chitter chat. Wee must be serious.

*in serious voice*

Dites-moi, ‘ow would you describe yourself?

Unsettled. (I crave change WAY too much.)

Ah, oui, oui. You and I, we love zee adventure. The unknown. We sail off into zee sunset, and never know what we will find.

*sighs*

It ees so romantic, mon amour. I knew you were the pirate for me. Not that tricksy Jas Ketch.

*leans forward*

She ‘ides from me, even now, mon amour! Can you imagine? I only wanted to pet her mustache, but non! She would have none of eet! Mais non, we shouldn’t talk of Jas Ketch, not when I have you before me, mon chou.

*waggles brow*

*ruffles papers*

*lifts eye patch to read next question*

*flips down eye patch*

And what of books, ma chère? What books do you love with your fine pirate-lady ‘eart?

Hoo boy. I read mostly YA, but my favorites list is kind of a mix: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë (all-time favorite), Persuasion by Jane Austen, The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis, the Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling, anything by Tamora Pierce, Graceling and Fire by Kristin Cashore, The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins, Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas, the Under the Never Sky series by Veronica Rossi, Stephanie Perkins’ books, Divergent by Veronica Roth, the Cat Royal series by Julia Golding, Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, The Winter Sea by Susanna Kearsley…and SO many more, but this is already getting ridiculous so I’ll stop.

Never ridiculous, mon amour. Never.

*gazes into Salty’s single eye*

*sighs*

*puts head on hand*

*gazes off into distance*

There ees nothing as beautiful as a pirate lady who reads.

*starts daydreaming about Salty reading, with the sun glinting on her mustache*

*hand slips*

Oof!

*clears throat*

*ruffles papers*

Oh, eet ees time for my favorite question! Dites-moi, ma chère, if we -

*coughs*

Er, that ees, if you were stranded on a deserted island, what three things would you ‘ave delivered to you?

Ughhhhh. Three? 1) A Kindle loaded to the max with books and a never ending supply of battery life (shhhh, this is one item), 2) all the mint Blistex I could ever want or need (I’m worse than addicted), and 3) Hermione’s time-turner so I could go back to that moment in time before I stupidly got myself stranded on an island and make better choices.

Chapsteek, eh?

*looks thoughtful*

*eyes light up*

Tell me, does your lovely mustache ever get stuck in your chapsteek? If thees happens, I could help. Perhaps you should you put some on now, non? It is very dry today, I think.

*puts finger in air*

Ah, oui. I can feel the dryness. Can’t you?

Non? D’accord, d’accord.

*sighs*

Alors, ma chère, what about thees website has you most excited?

Definitely the Reading Mutiny bucket. It has a book club feel to it, and I love a good book club. Plus, it’s always kind of fun to have someone suggest what book(s) to read next.

Of course you would like the muteeny. Such a rebel.

*winks*

Any club you belong to, I will as well, of course. We shall read together, always, mon amour. And I will bring zee chapstick.

*waggles brow*

I want to know all there is to know about you, ma cocotte. Ees there a fun fact you could share with me?

Erin L. Funk (aka The Red Rover) is my big sister. Morrow is actually our family (maiden) name. Erin married a Funk and I married a Fink, which is just all kinds of funny. Well, to us anyway. Seriously, our dad gets tons of mileage with that one.

*gasps*

Mais non! A sister! This ees too good to be true! Dites-moi, your sister, does she too have the blessing of such a fine mustache?

*blinks*

Non? So sad for her. So, so sad.

*looks very, very sad*

There should be more pirate ladees with mustaches, non? The world would be a better place. Still, she must be lovely if she is related to you, my pet. Please tell me more about thees sister.

We used to share a bunk bed for a good many years, and the Red Rover once snuck out of bed and dressed me in my first ever pirate shirt (red and white stripes) all while I was sleeping. I woke up the next morning with serious questions. There are weirder tales I could tell, but the Red Rover would probably shank me if I shared them.

Ah, yes. A fierce sister indeed.

*nods sagely*

I shall guard you from her, mon amour.

*looks around for The Red Rover*

*sits up straight*

You shall need me to watch for you, day and night, non?

*eyes light up*

Ah, oui. Oui! It is the only way. I will be with you every hour of every day! I will guard you and bring you minty, minty chapsteeck. In fact, I shall get some for you now! But first, my pet, ees there anything else you would like to say?

I’ve already had a ton of fun getting to know (and laughing myself silly with) these ladies, and I look forward to many more adventures and laughs ahead.

*puts down papers*

I cannot wait to have adventures with you as well. In fact, I ‘appen to know where there ees some mint chapsteek. I shall get it for you, mon amour. And, oh, thee adventures we will 'ave!

*grins*

*races out to get chapstick*

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